A big toe named Elise Stefanik

I only noticed the problem on Sunday.

By Thursday … I was in the hospital.

I shall explain.

Last Sunday evening, as I was taking off my shoes and socks, I noticed what appeared to be a broken blister on my big toe. The bottom of the toe had what appeared to be a smelly discharge.

Oh, that’s not good, I thought. Maybe I cut the toe somewhere and didn’t realize it. Or maybe there’s an abrasion in my shoe and it caused a blister, which later tore. And having diabetic neuropathy … I didn’t feel any pain in my feet regarding this blister.

I put some ointment on it and made it through Monday. But by Monday evening, I could sense things were getting worse.

I tried to bandage the toe up with gauze and continue on. Maybe this just needs to scab over and things will be okay.

No dice. By Thursday, I was checking online sites to figure out what was the matter.

I immediately set up an appointment with a podiatrist. Went to his office that Thursday afternoon.

His words to me – “Get to the emergency room right now.”

Fuck.

What I had thought was a broken blister was actually a diabetic abscess. Which will involve – dare I say it – the surgical removal of my big toe.

This is one of the ongoing battles with diabetes. Even if you maintain your sugar levels properly and you take care of everything, there’s still the possibility of something going wrong with your extremities. And in my case … it was my toe.

Which meant … off to St. the hospital. And upon checking in … everything was a blur. I was given antibiotics to combat the infection. I was hooked up to an IV and boosted with medicines.

And I had to rationalize all of this. I tried.

I realized there were times when I technically “went off the reservation” years ago, but I’ve been extremely compliant since then. But it doesn’t matter. It still comes for you.

By Friday morning, I went through a battery of tests. Blood pressure tests. Echocardiograms. MRI’s. Poked. Prodded. With a surgery planned for later that afternoon.

So I had to rationalize everything. I’m losing a toe. No way around it. My life is screwed.

And I remembered … in these emotional moments … the words of playwright Dennis Potter. Dennis Potter wrote some of the most well-beloved British television movies and TV shows, including The Singing Detective, Pennies From Heaven and Brimstone & Treacle. And in the final years of Dennis Potter’s life, when his pancreatic cancer was days away from claiming his life, Potter gave an interview where he said he named his cancer “Rupert,” after Rupert Murdoch, in association with all that Murdoch did to destroy media in England.

So I need an appropriate name for my big toe. It’s inflamed, it’s diseased, the disease has to be stopped before it spreads to other parts of my body. If it’s as bad as the experts say, it has no business being part of my existence.

So I named my infected big toe Elise Stefanik. Yeah, that seems appropriate.

At 2:30, I was anesthetized.

By 3:30, I was in the recovery room. The surgeons were able to save half my big toe, but there was a bit of amputation anyway. So I now have 9 1/2 toes. For all intents and purposes, Elise Stefanik has been excised from my body, and hopefully what’s left will still work for me.

By Saturday, I was given a special walking shoe that relieves pressure from my toes; I also received home care medications and other materials. I also have a cane, which I was able to use in combination with the walking shoe.

But now I’m dealing with the aftermath. Recovery should be reasonably quick … hopefully faster than when my ankle shattered in 2020. And now I have a regular podiatrist on my medical team, so there’s that.

This is going to take some time to heal. Physically and emotionally. And right now, my big plans for the next few weeks are in serious jeopardy. All it takes is one wrong step, one overt amount of pressure on the foot … and I could be back in the hospital faster than you can say New York 21.

Just bear with me if I get a bit emotional in the next few days.

Because writing about this may be the only way I can cope right now.